Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Royal Arch Masons secretly control Gmail!

For those of you who haven't seen the Gmail logo, I suggest you take a look. It appears that the Masonic World Conspiracy has once again taken control and has now invaded our email. Soon a majority vote in lodge will be required to send an email and all messages will be three weeks late because the secretary couldn't find his e-stamps. What a wicked web we weave!

In all seriousness, for those brothers or lodges out there that don't have an email address, get a gmail account!!! There are countless benefits to getting a gmail account. Here are a few of them:
  1. It's Free! No bill to give your lodge and no 25 minute discussion to pay that bill!
  2. 6.5 gigabytes of storage. Scan lodge documents and send them out to your heart's content. It will take a lot of minutes and semi-harassment letters by PMs to fill your mailbox.
  3. Keeping your brothers contact information in your contacts lists. No more Treastleboards and call trees to loose. Just keep them all online.
  4. Gmail application for your cell phone. Now you can check your lodge email while your ear is getting chewed off by a Past DD on the proper way to carry your deacon's staff.
  5. IMAP and POP3 support. This means that you can receive your email on your favorite mail client. I pipe my gmail directly into my Mac Mail app, along with my other addresses.
  6. Attachments are scanned for viruses automatically. Now you can safely open that email filled with kitten photos that your Senior Warden's wife had sent you.
  7. Advanced spam fitler. You can differentiate between Dr. Odo Boodoo from Chad selling you Viagra and Bro. Odo Boodoo RSVPing for the next Blue Lodge Council Meeting.
  8. Create multiple accounts. Each officer in your lodge can have email now. You can also create email addresses for the Fellowcraft Club or Temple Building Association.
  9. Getting a gmail account instantly gets you a blogger account. Now you can become a Masonic blogger and post really annoying top ten lists about what other Masons should be doing. Man, I hate those guys.
  10. Email is fast, easy, prevalent and josh darn it, people like it!
Now that I know that my New World Order secrets are safe with Gmail, I can finally email my list of UFO landing sites, Presidential Puppetmasters and local lodge fish-fries. A big thanks to the Royal Arch and Gmail!


Anonymous said...

Hi Charles,
my Lodge, here in Italy, choose Gmail only for that.
There's a lot of beautiful UFO landing sites in Verona (Italy) :-)))

Noonshyne said...

And you can add your favorite blogs to READER and you can create an EPAGE to send to your Lodge Members.

Tom Accuosti said...

You can't imagine how often I crack up while looking at the Gmail logo.

Well, maybe you can.

Anonymous said...

Charles, didn't you know? The 'G' in the Lodge stands for 'Google.' But don't tell anyone. It's a Secret®.


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Gordian ¬ Network said...

Hilarious... Unfortunately, with Gmail you can't open a message unless nine companions are present.

Am I right??

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